I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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