Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
