I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
