I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
