Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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