He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
