Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
