he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
