Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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