i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
