I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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