Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
