I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
