You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
