I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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