jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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