So drunk its hurt
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
