he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
