Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
