Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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