I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
