You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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