My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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