Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
