we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
