dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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