Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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