Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
