I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
