quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
