You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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