I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
