Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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