I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
