Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
