i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
