So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
