I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
