I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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