I just threw up on my dentist
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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