dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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