who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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