HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
