is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
