so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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