wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
try to milk me bitch
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