just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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