The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
