Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
