If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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