If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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