I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
