So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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