There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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