Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
