Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
