Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it's like heaven, but drunker
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
