just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
