Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
