When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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